I went to Belarus a couple of years ago on a mission trip. We led a day camp of sorts for a church that works with disabled children. Belarus was a beautiful country with a fascinating culture that I quickly fell in love with. One thing that stuck with me was the way they build their houses. These people live in dire poverty, surviving on what would be around $80 a month in the US. Still, their houses were painted bright, cheery colors that bounced off the dreary farm land. We would come across houses that were very elaborate and ornate, surrounded by rubble or run down farm shacks.
One day we asked our host about the houses and she sort of laughed as she explained. They take great pride in appearances there. If we were to actually walk into one of those elaborate homes, we would find one or two rooms at best with solid walls and a floor. The people there would pour all of their money into a gorgeous looking house, only to leave the inside unfinished and bare. It was all about the facade.
I relate that to my duty as a wife sometimes. I work very hard to smile and entertain with joy. I scurry around before bed at night, picking up the rooms we live in, hoping to convince myself that we live in a perfect happy home. When I am at work, I talk candidly about the fun things Hubby and I did that weekend, leaving out the screaming fest we had before we put on our shoes. Even with my husband, I sometimes put on a face, acting like I enjoy something when I don't for the sake of peace.
I think about all of the old television shows that I loved to watch as a child. Donna Reed was what I envisioned all houses were really like. My home wasn't like that, but everyone else must live like that, right? Of course, over the years I realized that this was never the case, but it made me wonder. Why do we insist on painting our lives with cheery colors and happy smiles? I loved the show Roseanne when I was a kid too. My mom didn't like me watching it, because she said Roseanne was brash and loud. I was drawn to it, though, because I could relate with the lives they portrayed. My dad didn't drink beer, and my mother wasn't as coarse or demanding as Roseanne, but we were never a Donna Reed family by any stretch of the idea.
I want to know if you have anything that you do to cover up your imperfections. While you think about it, I am going to put on an apron and make some fresh squeezed lemonade and maybe a few homemade cookies to woo our guests.
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My husband has the same idea as the Belarussians - he gets very upset when I say anything that is less than complimentary about him (and I don't even mean insulting - just less than complimentary). If I tell my sister that he can't mow the lawn during the middle of the day, because he's sensitive to the sun and it makes him ill, then I've insulted him. I don't tell anyone the really offensive things that he does or says - just minor things that I find different or interesting or annoying. He has to maintain a perfect facade. However, when he's referring to me to his friends or salespeople, I'm the boss or the one who makes all the decisions - making me sound like a nagging, controlling beast. It's a double standard that makes me crazy!
ReplyDeleteI think about this exact thing every time I take the kids to visit my husband at work! I wonder if people look at us and wonder where the fake stops and the real people begin. At work hubby gets to be the 'perfect' spouse and 'perfect' dad. No one knows that we can go days on end without saying more than 20 words to each other or that just last week I kicked him out for the evening because the alternative would have been me killing him. Which isn't much of an alternative, because it would have just been another mess for me to clean up.
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